Fear Fighting...When Life Doesn't Fight Fair

Fear fighting made simple. Just do like it says above. Live life. Repeat. Oh, if it were only so simple. Fear, it's one of the things authors love to write about. There are a million quotes how to over come it and the phrase "Fear not" is repeated multiple times in the Bible.

If we are talking about battles, fear is formidable foe. He's sneaky and sly. He attacks stealthily with a unique approach as individual as the opponent. Fear is relentless. He can be irrational or totally justified. He can slow you down, fuel your passions, or paralyze you indefinitely. So how do you fight fear and come out victorious? Is this even possible?

First of all, let me tell you that yes. Yes it is possible. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get real. I know what it's like to live a fear ridden life. I know what being paralyzed by fear can do because I've suffered the consequences of choices based solely on the fears that burdened me. I know that years and years of fears buried will eventually lead to full blown anxiety. You know what else I know? I know what freedom from fear feels like, what it taste like, and how amazing life can be without it.

So when a friend recommended a book by the title Fear Fighting by Kelly Balarie, I was immediately drawn to it and curious. The more I dug into this book, the more I realized how I was not alone, how far I had come, but more importantly how many fears I was still holding on to. Yes, though the Lord had freed me from anxiety and fear, the more I opened my heart to the message that Kelly was sharing, the more I realized that there were these "little" pockets of fear buried deeply in my soul. And though I thought they weren't paralyzing, they were stopping me from living truly free. There were areas of my soul that screaming and yearning to be expressed.

Fear Fighting by Kelly Balarie

In my case, one of the recurring fears was the fear of what people would think of me. This one fear, stopped me from writing, creating, and expressing myself. I allowed it to silence my voice. And if I'm totally honest, it stopped me from writing this post till the very last minute. How many other opportunities would I miss because of fear disguised as being socially graceful? If there were only one thought that I could tattoo into heart the way Jesus has my name engraved in the palm of His hands, it would be this:

"Sometimes you have to keep on marching into what God has promised you even when life wants to make a fool out of you" - pg.83

That's my invitation to you my friend. Keep marching into what God has promised you. Soldiers march. They are relentless. They are equipped for the battle. They are fear fighters and SO ARE YOU!

Much love,

Cristina

xoxo

Confession #23: My Story...My Why

**This post is for YOU...this post got completely deleted and not saved as a draft as soon as I hit publish the first time. There was no record of me having typing it whatsoever.I don't believe that was a coincidence. Normally, I would have let it go and even scrapped the post but I know that if you're reading this it's for a reason. My prayer is that however you ended up here, that God pour His love on you wherever you may be. That you may know that you are valued, valuable, and loved beyond belief. That He calls you worthy and courageous...Child of The Most High King.**

On January 24, 2015 I did something I'd never done before. I poured my heart out to share my story in a Facebook post. This is my story:

About two years ago I was at a really dark place in my life. From the outside everything looked good, Facebook fabulous at its finest. I was recently engaged with the man of my dreams, I had friends, I loved Texas, yet I was a mess. I couldn't understand why I couldn't succeed career wise, why I felt like a failure, why I was depressed, and anxious. I was paralyzed on my couch literally one day and cried a desperate prayer. I was going to church because it was "the right thing to do". I found a great job and started planning my wedding to be let go on the day of my birthday. My income was supposed to pay for our wedding. I had no answers, life didn't seem fair. So we came to the decision to stop trying to find a job. It should have been a huge relief but it wasn't. You see my identity was wrapped around achieving academic and career success. It was where I placed my worth. Without that I was lost, a nobody. Yet deep down I knew that that distant God I prayed to would come through and I would have some sort of celebration and small wedding. I was angry, I felt useless, and alone. And guess what? When I gave up and surrendered my will, my expectations, my vision...I found God. See I always knew He existed but I didn't know Him. I was going to my church every week to talk to the ladies I had "nothing" in common with (or so I thought) to talk and work through my issues. See I thought I was there to fix myself. But no, God placed me there so He could fix me. These women loved on me, prayed for me, cried with me, became my sisters. And along the way...well, my life changed. Was it instant? No. Was it life altering, irrevocable, overwhelming, and mind blowing yes. You see, that year when I thought was a waste and I was doing nothing...I got to know God. Not only know Him, fall head over heels, madly, and insanely in love with Him! Something that would've never happened if I had had my dream job. I'd would've been too busy to find Him. Did my life circumstances change overnight? No. Did all my hardships disappear? Not at all. In many ways they got harder. But since then I've changed. I KNOW THAT I KNOW who I am. I know where my worth, strength, and beauty come from. They come from God, the most High King. I am His daughter, His heir. I know joy like I've never known before. I've faced circumstances that would've destroyed me in the past and have come out of it with more joy, strength, and faith. I still don't understand it all, I still get impatient and wonder why bad things happen to good people. But I know that God works all things for good. I've seen my family be blessed by him, I have family in people I've known for so little time, I've seen miracles, healings, but above all ...I've seen God's faithfulness through it all. He will speak to you through the storm...you need just to call on Him. This is what I speaking of earlier of building an altar. This is one of my altars. When my faith is tested and I am weary, when I feel like I've deviated from my calling, or that I'm not hearing from God I will come back to this holy place. This moment in time when there was an exchange between Heaven and earth.

As I stumbled on this post tonight, I felt like someone needed to read it. They needed to know that there is hope, that today can be the day where their story changes. What's your story? Have you built your altars of faith? You don't have to do it alone. I've been there before you, in part because I know God has called me to help others embrace their story and realize wherever it may be at, there is not a period but rather a semicolon. You aren't alone. Your story doesn't end here. 

Much love,

Cristina

**This is part of the 31 day series: Confessions of a Faithonista**

Confession #23: My Story...My Why.

This post was originally a Facebook status from January 14, 2015. The Lord had me share  bit of my story in that post and this is what I shared:

About two years ago I was at a really dark place in my life. From the outside everything looked good, Facebook fabulous at its finest. I was recently engaged with the man of my dreams, I had friends, I loved Texas, yet I was a mess. I couldn't understand why I couldn't succeed career wise, why I felt like a failure, why I was depressed, and anxious. I was paralyzed on my couch literally one day and cried a desperate prayer. I was going to church because it was "the right thing to do". I found a great job and started planning my wedding to be let go on the day of my birthday. My income was supposed to pay for our wedding. I had no answers, life didn't seem fair. So we came to the decision to stop trying to find a job. It should have been a huge relief but it wasn't. You see my identity was wrapped around achieving academic and career success. It was where I placed my worth. Without that I was lost, a nobody. Yet deep down I knew that that distant God I prayed to would come through and I would have some sort of celebration and small wedding. I was angry, I felt useless, and alone. And guess what? When I gave up and surrendered my will, my expectations, my vision...I found God. See I always knew He existed but I didn't know Him. I was going to my church every week to talk to the ladies I had "nothing" in common with (or so I thought) to talk and work through my issues. See I thought I was there to fix myself. But no, God placed me there so He could fix me. These women loved on me, prayed for me, cried with me, became my sisters. And along the way...well, my life changed. Was it instant? No. Was it life altering, irrevocable, overwhelming, and mind blowing yes. You see, that year when I thought was a waste and I was doing nothing...I got to know God. Not only know Him, fall head over heels, madly, and insanely in love with Him! Something that would've never happened if I had had my dream job. I'd would've been too busy to find Him. Did my life circumstances change overnight? No. Did all my hardships disappear? Not at all. In many ways they got harder. But since then I've changed. I KNOW THAT I KNOW who I am. I know where my worth, strength, and beauty come from. They come from God, the most High King. I am His daughter, His heir. I know joy like I've never known before. I've faced circumstances that would've destroyed me in the past and have come out of it with more joy, strength, and faith. I still don't understand it all, I still get impatient and wonder why bad things happen to good people. But I know that God works all things for good. I've seen my family be blessed by him, I have family in people I've known for so little time, I've seen miracles, healings, but above all ...I've seen God's faithfulness through it all. He will speak to you through the storm...you need just to call on Him. This is what I speaking of earlier of building an altar. This is one of my altars. When my faith is tested and I am weary, when I feel like I've deviated from my calling, or that I'm not hearing from God I will come back to this holy place. This moment in time when there was an exchange between Heaven and earth.

That's my story...what's yours? Have you built your altars of faith? You don't have to do this alone. That's why I'm here...we're in this together. Today can be the day everything changes.

Much love,

Cristina

**This is part of the 31 day series: Confessions of a Faithonista**