Confession #9: Last night I was too tired to write...so I didn't.

This could be my go to prayer as of late. It seems like lately (past few weeks) I've been tired to the point of exhaustion. It would seem crazy that knowing this I would choose to take on this challenge but I did. There's actually some health reasons along with just what's going in my life right now to make the  exhaustion that has hit me almost bring me to the point of crashing.

Luckily, after first facing this extreme type of exhaustion last year before being properly diagnosed I've learned to pick up on the cues my body starts to send me. I consider it a win that I crash anywhere from 9 - 10 pm  instead of the 2 or 3 pm window. I'll share more about my Hashimotos Thyroiditis in a future post. It's kind of a long story and as you can see from tonight's post, I'm too tired to tell it now. LOL.

So back to last night. I was exhausted. Normally I would push on through and throw together a post. I committed to this challenge and I've pushed through the exhaustion before in order to stand true to my commitment. But not last night. Last night I gave myself the rest I deserved without any guilt whatsoever. As women and moms we sometimes set our expectations and standards so high that we forget to take care of ourselves. That is not ok.

Sweet sister, don't over work yourself. You don't have to be supermom, or wife, or sister, or coworker, or friend. You are perfect just the way you are. You have permission to rest...even God did on the seventh day.

Much Love,

Cristina

**This is part of the 31 day series: Confessions of a Faithonista**

Confession #7: No, I'm not ok.

                           

Today I had a friend come up to me at church and ask me if I was ok and I felt free and vulnerable enough to say no, I wasn't. This friend of mine is the real deal. We don't talk every day...to be honest we haven't spoken or even texted in months. I'm not a high maintenance friend and when I say that I mean that when I'm your friend I'm there for you unconditionally whether we spoke to each other last this morning or three years ago. 

Over the years I've come to learn which of my friends are the same way. My friend this morning is one of those friends. I won't mention her name because, she doesn't need or want the attention. She is one of those people that will be your vocal supporter and a knight in shining armor on the down low. She's a hands on problem solver. When she says she loves you and your family, you KNOW she means it. It's something about the look in her eyes. She's safe. I've never seen her turn her noise up at anyone. She's level headed and wise. She's kind and generous and selfless. 

In other words, she embodies and walks out Jesus' love and I'm blessed that she pours it out on me. So when she looked at me today, after not speaking in several months and asked me if I was ok I was able to say no. That is what a safe friendship looks like. She just knew and squeezed my hand and said we would meet up this week. As I fought back the tears, I felt a huge wave of love, relief, and gratitude. Grateful that God has placed a friend like this at exactly the moment I needed it. To be able to be real and genuine and admit you're not ok is a luxury in today's society. You know it. I know it. We live in times where wearing masks and putting up the highlight reels of our lives on social media is the norm. Vulnerability many times equates weakness. And that is not ok.

Without vulnerability and taking off our masks, there is no healing. See, today's two minute encounter reminded me of another time God sent me a friend to ask if I was ok. It was three years ago at the gym. My workout partner, whom I wasn't close with asked me how I was...and I broke down. I was in tears, not knowing exactly what was wrong but knowing that I was not ok. Long story short, that day in the gym was the beginning of my journey of faith. That one conversation led to an invite to a class which the Lord would use to bring me to Him. This memory came flooding back to me today as soon as I said I wasn't ok. And then, all of a sudden I smiled and felt peace and hope. Almost as if God was sending me that sweet reminder that the moment I confront the truth that I need Him is the moment he can come in and bring the most amazing breakthrough. 

Tonight I thank the friends that have created the safe space for me to not be ok. Thanks to them I can open my heart to healing and God's grace. No need to pretend, fake smile, or live in denial. 

Much love,

Cristina

**This is part of the 31 day series: Confessions of a Faithonista**

Confession #3: Tonight I don't feel like writing, like for reals!

So umm...yeah. I kinda don't feel like writing tonight. Like not at all.  I don't care about punctuation or grammar or any of it. I couldn't think of a specific thing I wanted to focus on, not anything confession worthy anyway.

I'm exhausted, worn out, fatigued, and just plain tired. But for some reason I felt compelled to write just that. For the first time ever I'm committed to this process. For the first time  ever I'm pushing through the exhaustion to do something just for me. No deadline at work, no one waiting on a response, no one to jump my butt if I don't get it done. As I sit here and type this out, I must admit that I honestly thought it would be a couple of sentences and a meme like this one:

But to my surprise I'm coming more and more alive as I sit and type. It's weird, and fun, and amazing all at once. I feel like I've finally get what this whole writing thing is all about. It's not about being the best, most eloquent, admired, followed, or witty writer. It's not about how many people even read what I write. It doesn't really even matter if not one person does.

God told me very clearly a couple of years ago, to write. I did not obey. I allowed every single excuse get in the way. I didn't understand why He wanted me to write. What did He even want me to say? So instead of digging into prayer and asking Him, I took the path of less resistance. And oh, how I've paid for it! If only I had known the release, the healing, the rejuvenating, and freedom I am finding at this moment by just jotting down my thoughts, I would have been ALL IN! I guess God really does know what He's doing...Oh when will learn? 

So yeah...tonight I didn't want to write, but as I did God brought a little part of me back to life. Ahhh...and it feels so good!

Much Love,

Cristina

**This is part of the 31 day series: Confessions of a Faithonista**