Monday, October 31, 2016

Confession #23: My Story...My Why

**This post is for YOU...this post got completely deleted and not saved as a draft as soon as I hit publish the first time. There was no record of me having typing it whatsoever.I don't believe that was a coincidence. Normally, I would have let it go and even scrapped the post but I know that if you're reading this it's for a reason. My prayer is that however you ended up here, that God pour His love on you wherever you may be. That you may know that you are valued, valuable, and loved beyond belief. That He calls you worthy and courageous...Child of The Most High King.**

On January 24, 2015 I did something I'd never done before. I poured my heart out to share my story in a Facebook post. This is my story:

About two years ago I was at a really dark place in my life. From the outside everything looked good, Facebook fabulous at its finest. I was recently engaged with the man of my dreams, I had friends, I loved Texas, yet I was a mess. I couldn't understand why I couldn't succeed career wise, why I felt like a failure, why I was depressed, and anxious. I was paralyzed on my couch literally one day and cried a desperate prayer. I was going to church because it was "the right thing to do". I found a great job and started planning my wedding to be let go on the day of my birthday. My income was supposed to pay for our wedding. I had no answers, life didn't seem fair. So we came to the decision to stop trying to find a job. It should have been a huge relief but it wasn't. You see my identity was wrapped around achieving academic and career success. It was where I placed my worth. Without that I was lost, a nobody. Yet deep down I knew that that distant God I prayed to would come through and I would have some sort of celebration and small wedding. I was angry, I felt useless, and alone. And guess what? When I gave up and surrendered my will, my expectations, my vision...I found God. See I always knew He existed but I didn't know Him. I was going to my church every week to talk to the ladies I had "nothing" in common with (or so I thought) to talk and work through my issues. See I thought I was there to fix myself. But no, God placed me there so He could fix me. These women loved on me, prayed for me, cried with me, became my sisters. And along the way...well, my life changed. Was it instant? No. Was it life altering, irrevocable, overwhelming, and mind blowing yes. You see, that year when I thought was a waste and I was doing nothing...I got to know God. Not only know Him, fall head over heels, madly, and insanely in love with Him! Something that would've never happened if I had had my dream job. I'd would've been too busy to find Him. Did my life circumstances change overnight? No. Did all my hardships disappear? Not at all. In many ways they got harder. But since then I've changed. I KNOW THAT I KNOW who I am. I know where my worth, strength, and beauty come from. They come from God, the most High King. I am His daughter, His heir. I know joy like I've never known before. I've faced circumstances that would've destroyed me in the past and have come out of it with more joy, strength, and faith. I still don't understand it all, I still get impatient and wonder why bad things happen to good people. But I know that God works all things for good. I've seen my family be blessed by him, I have family in people I've known for so little time, I've seen miracles, healings, but above all ...I've seen God's faithfulness through it all. He will speak to you through the storm...you need just to call on Him. This is what I speaking of earlier of building an altar. This is one of my altars. When my faith is tested and I am weary, when I feel like I've deviated from my calling, or that I'm not hearing from God I will come back to this holy place. This moment in time when there was an exchange between Heaven and earth.

As I stumbled on this post tonight, I felt like someone needed to read it. They needed to know that there is hope, that today can be the day where their story changes. What's your story? Have you built your altars of faith? You don't have to do it alone. I've been there before you, in part because I know God has called me to help others embrace their story and realize wherever it may be at, there is not a period but rather a semicolon. You aren't alone. Your story doesn't end here. 

Much love,

**This is part of the 31 day series: Confessions of a Faithonista**

1 comment:

  1. "The bravest thing you'll ever do is tell your story"--Brene Brown