Confessions of a Faithonista

-- Attempt #2 of the write 31 challenge

So here I am again...October 1st with many high hopes to complete the challenge of writing for 31 days straight during the month of October. Last year I didn't fair so well on the consistency, I completed four maybe, five posts. I still consider this a win though. I had never committed to writing anything public before, and the nudge I received from my friend Larissa (go check her out at www.gr8tfulchick.com)was just what I needed at the time. And after a gentle nudge from her again this year, I decided I'm in...all in. 

To be honest I wasn't even sure what I would write about. The thought of keeping a theme for 31 days can be a little daunting. Okay, VERY daunting. So as she would ask me what I was thinking, I was at a loss. All I knew is that it would be faith related, and honestly I haven't been feeling spiritual or oozing with faith as of late. So of course the enemy of our souls took the opportunity to invade and flood my thoughts on how I had no business writing anything, much less anything related to faith. As I faced this dilemma and inner conversation, I decided to do one of things I do best, PROCRASTINATE. 

For years procrastination has been my go-to reaction in facing my problems, deadlines, and pretty much any situation. It's something I'm not at all proud of. It has caused lots of shame, pain, complications, and turmoil in my life. I can trace procrastination to some of the more painful moments in my life. That's pretty sad. As I sit here and type, I had no intention of even mentioning one of my biggest demons and character flaws but I guess it goes along perfectly with the series I want to develop over the next 31 days. 

A space where I share what's on my heart. A space where I can express the vulnerable, the ugly, the beauty, the messiness, and contradictions of a faithonista.

So what's a faithonista you may ask? Faithonista was a word that I believe the Lord gave me. It means to wear your faith and wear it well. Do I think I'm wearing my faith well right now? Honestly, no. But...and there's a huge but, I know that how I perceive I wear my faith is not the way God sees it. I know He sees me. I know He sees my faith. I might think I don't wear it well, but really it's not about what I think. God never said we had to be perfect to wear our faith. He says to come as we are. God never expected us to always have a smile on our faith but He promises us everlasting joy. He never desired for us to live up to worldly or societal expectations but to rather die to self and follow Him. So right now I'm a faithonista whether I believe it or not. Guess what? So are you!

...and so do you!

Sometimes I fall in the trap of not feeling good enough, worthy enough, beautiful enough, successful enough, or **fill in the blank** enough. One thing I do believe I always am is real enough. So this challenge comes at a perfect time, a time where I can confess whatever is on my heart. Just warning you, it might not all be upbeat and rainbows (blame it on the season I'm in) but it will always be filled with hope. Real, raw, messy, beautiful confessions straight from my heart intertwined with my views on faith and God is what I will write about. Why? I'll write about that because I think we all need a little bit of real and raw as we walk out our faith. Honestly, it's exactly what I need at the moment and a faithonista has to forget about what people expect of her so she can do what her heart yearns for.

Much Love,

Cristina

*P.S. - Know that I am praying for each and every one of you as I take this journey. If there's anyway I can pray for you specifically feel free to comment below or email me at WNOPtribe@gmail.com

*********************************************

The complete collection of confessions will be posted below as they go live, thanks for joining me on this journey!

Confession #1: I don't always go to church...and I don't feel guilty about it

Confession #2: I've battled anxiety...and I took all the meds

Confession #3: Tonight I don't feel like writing, like for reals!

Confession #4: Memes are my love language

Confession #5: To all my friends that no longer are...I love you

Confession #6: I wish that I could be like the cool kids...'cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in

Confession #7: No, I'm not ok.

Confession #8: I never know what I'm going to write about...until I do.

Confession #9: Last night I was too tired to write...so I didn't.

Confession #10: I have a tattoo...ok, maybe have 2

Confession #11: I travel 4 hours to get my hair done...

Confession #12: What I learned sitting in my dark closet tonight

Confession #13: It's all about the fight...song

Confession #14: You can keep your casserole...'cause I don't want it!

Confession #15: I wrote this post from my cell phone...

Confession #16: Food is the #1 thing that separates me from God.

Confession #17: How stuffing myself with food deafened my ears towards God

Confession #18: I suck at sending out thank you cards

Confession #19: I've always wondered, what would happen if...

Confession #20: Ministry was nothing like I thought it would be

Confession #21: I know my purpose...and I want you to know yours!

Confession #22: I should be writing Confession #30 today...but I'm a little behind

Confession #23: My Story...My Why

Confession #24: What God told me about friendships

Confession #25: Let God be the Curator, not just the Creator of your life